Referenced from the picture taken during the Hakone trip. Painted using gouache.
Hey there. It has been, yet, another month ever since my last post. It’s not like my life is super busy, but I just can’t seem to make time to write recently. Even my own diary has a lot of blank pages since most of the days, I can’t be bothered to write. Work is getting a little bit more busy, but they’re somewhat uneventful. I am officially in charge of overseeing the procurement for raw materials (copper, steel, stainless steel and whatnot). I can’t seem to enjoy my own work, though. Every day feels like a chore and I wake up feeling extremely unmotivated each day. It’s mentally and physically exhausting.
As a night owl, early mornings are torturous and the stagnant work pace makes it even more difficult to keep me awake. I find myself constantly yawning, and because I don’t have the time to eat something before going to work, it makes my body and brain even more tired and unready for anything. I end up eating snacks every day, which I’m pretty sure ain’t healthy at all.
Every day, we are only given 45 minutes of break time, in which 20 minutes of it is used to go to and from the cafeteria (yes, it’s extremely far). I usually reach the office 5 minutes before the break ends, and I use that to finish my toilet business. There’s barely any time to relax at all. Naturally, this would be solved if I just prep and bring meals from home, but really, who has the time for that when I come back home feeling dead every day?
As a result of this mind-numbing routine, my body dies during the weekend, resulting in something that’s almost similar to hibernation (for humans). I wake up when half of the day is already gone, and I’d feel some sense of urgency to go to the supermarket to stock up on food, then I’d go back and cook, clean, eat, clean some more, and then suddenly it’s midnight where I force myself to sleep earlier so I don’t destroy my own internal clock for the upcoming Monday. I feel like my weekends are also spent for work. I wake up feeling even more exhausted despite having slept more compared to the weekdays. I get heavy headaches which doesn’t go away unless I chug some medicine into my system. The feeling of sluggishness doesn’t go away, and it just gets worse.
Sometimes I try to draw and paint, but even that is slowly changing from being relaxing to irritating. I’m running out of ways to reset my mind and body. I wish humans can live peacefully without needing money… If that was a thing, I wouldn’t even have thought to get a job.