Daily Monday

Art and reflections

I drew a cup of ramen because that was my dinner. Haha. It’s been really long since I drew something. I mean, I drew a lot but I’ve never finished something I started completely. Last time I did that was when I’m still active at deviantART. Not anymore. I quit because I don’t believe that what I draw is good enough lol. Heck, I can’t even bring myself to access my old account anymore. It gives me nightmares.

To be honest, I kinda quit art at one point after I found out my dad didn’t support me to go to an art school. I was just super upset at that time because I feel that I couldn’t pursue what I love. He told me that careers for art school graduates are not that good and that he wants me to focus on something else. At the beginning of my third year in high school, everyone was already applying to the universities they wanted to get in, while I was stuck, not knowing what major I should even pursue. My parents didn’t talk to me about it at all, so I just secretly applied to a local university where my friends are planning to enroll. They had visual communication design but I didn’t apply for that and applied for programming major instead. I took the test, got a 90% scholarship, and then my dad told me to drop that university and apply to a university abroad at the last minute.

Why didn’t I try reasoning with my dad? First, because it’s just impossible to reason with him. Second, I know I suck in both art (compared to my friends) and programming (my maths ain’t that good) so when he told me to apply for business, I just complied. That being said, I hated myself for just giving up that easily. I actually prayed to not get accepted to the university abroad so I could just stay home. But I got accepted, and now here I am, majoring in business in a university in Japan.

I love Japan. I love living here since it’s so convenient and safe. But I don’t know if I feel the same way with my studies right now. I feel lost most of the time because most people here know what they want to do and I don’t. They’re so active in so many organizations while I’m not even in one (even now). Sometimes I feel like I’m in the wrong place, like a fish on land. I don’t really struggle with my studies, but socializing and planning for the future, all those things, I don’t even want to think about it. The number of close friends I have can be counted by hand lol. I get a bit depressed when I think about it and what I do to forget them is gaming, reading, or … drawing (actually I don’t really do it often). All I do is splurge on things, which is why you see a lot of haul posts.

I know hauls only give you momentary ‘happiness’. So now I’m trying to stop myself from buying so many things. I try to keep myself busy with the things I love like manga and art. Currently, I’m doing summaries of raw mangas on Tumblr and I’m trying to regain my sense of creativity by getting back to art. I just purchased an app named Procreate on my iPad pro and that’s what I used to create that cup ramen image lol. It’s far from perfect but I had fun creating it. Getting an art done is satisfying it makes me feel that I accomplished something. I hope I can keep this positive vibe about art and keep it going.

Thank you for reading this long wall of text. ♥

Author

Rin

A 22 y.o child at heart and soon-to-be office worker. Spends most of her free time browsing YouTube and playing RPG games. Has an attention span of 3 seconds and sucks at organizing her thoughts.

3 comments

  1. First of all, your cup of noodles is very cute and looks like it was done by a professional. Your art is always amazing and you’ve really grown from your early drawings. You are very talented and it’s never too late to go after your dreams. Secondly, not everyone knows what they want to do in life until they reach their 30’s (trust me, I know). And thirdly, at least you have friends. You could be in my place where you have no friends except your baby and a best friend that is just too busy to even text. Also, you should find a ‘school club’ that relates to art/drawing. I’m sure there is a community of business majors who love to draw somewhere out there, even if it is only like 5 people. I’m not sure I’d they have a place you can go to in Japan, but there are places to paint and sip wine while talking to other people (and no, you don’t have to drink wine). I know you’re busy, but I think if you make it a once or twice a month thing, you won’t feel like you’re in a rut. Also, get your degree in business, find a job, and then go to art school in the evening. You don’t have to get just one degree! I know I’ve been a bad friend and haven’t commented or blog in awhile and I’m sorry for that. (Things have been bad for me. I thought my marriage was going down the toilet and I just feel trapped in this apartment and we are struggling financially). But, I always come back and I always read your blog. And everyone struggles with school. Some are very good at hiding it (like me), but you’re not the only one. Just have to try your best and keep pushing forward.

    1. Thank you for the supportive comment! And no, you’re not a bad friend! Even I have times when I can’t really get myself to access even my own blog and your comments always make me feel better! ♥
      I’m sorry to hear that you’re having a bad time. I hope that things will be better for you from now on! I’m sorry this is all I always say because I’m not good with my words. 😥

  2. Oh, it’s okay! It’s harder to know what to say because you haven’t experienced anything like it. I’m so much older than you lol Anyways, I’m glad you are feeling better. If your University has a site, maybe you can find out if there are art Hangouts, and if not maybe there is a community board online to post these type of things? I’m not sure how it works there in Japan, but the short time I was in college, I heard about an anime club and joined for awhile.

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