Feeling down and humiliated

This semester, I decided that I would take a winter session class. This type of class is held 5 days consecutively and separately from the normal schedule and the school would invite guest lecturers from outside the university. The name of the class I took was Brand Management, taught by a supposedly famous person I nicknamed L.

She is a very energetic and enthusiastic lecturer. Always seemed lively and fun. The first two classes went with no problem except for, of course, my group mates. Did I tell you that I always get the shaft in group works? Lol.

On the third day, someone asked the lecturer something regarding quizzes on the fourth day and she got very emotional on her speech about how fucked up the education system is and how we students just have it easy and constantly wants easy A+ for all our subjects. She said she’s not judging and stereotyping us university kids, but the way she phrased it just seemed that way. After her long emotional outburst, she asked if anyone had questions.

I raised my hands and asked if she has a general coverage for the quiz. She has 9 PowerPoint slides in total but most of the time, she just skips some of those slides and I got really confused whether those slides are really relevant for the quiz or not.

She sighed. Or maybe someone sighed, I couldn’t recall.

To be honest, I couldn’t even recall what she said to me afterward because everything just went so fast and I could only stay seated, dumbfounded. I remember her stating that she does not have any coverage for the quiz and all the slides are included as the quiz materials. Then she humiliated me by asking if I would be happy if she made a special slide complication that contains only the materials that would be out for quiz. Oh God, the sarcasm.

At that point, I lost all my respect that I had for her.

I do not understand why she needed to take out her anger and vent it on me. I confronted her after class and apologized to her if any of my words or questions had offended her. I do not think that I am in the wrong, but I feared that she would lower my grades on purpose, so I apologized.

She said my timing to ask the question was horrible and so, she had to go all out and say all those things to me.

I went home and spent almost the whole night crying about how embarrassing and humiliating that scene was. Did I even do something wrong? I bet half of the class wants to know the answer to my simple short question but none of them stood up for me when I was getting bashed by the lecturer. Why? I don’t know. I was speechless. I still am.

Maybe I’m just a butthurt little kid. I want someone to tell me that I did not do anything wrong, but no one did. I wanted to shout and yell and call everyone names, but then I would not be any different from her. I figured that doing all of these things wouldn’t change anything, so I at least want to prove myself that I am better and more mature than her. Of course, it still hurts when I recall the scene but I’m slowly letting all those stupid events go.

Learning to accept and take the blame is so hard. But at least I am now a bit more mature than everyone else in class? Haha.